My thoughts…

Lets begin, what I was dreading on 26th June didn’t happen.  I was relieved.  But being a worrier I still worry, I have also realised that I’ve been a lot of thinking and not enough doing.  I’ve wondered for so long now, why does my life feel like one big Que that I have to just get through. When you think of it at a present state its a depressing thought, I think you can appreciate some aspects of life when you look back.  Hindsight is a wonderful thing, despite the fact that most of the time its useless.  But you mustn’t forget that it can go two ways when you look back, you might just regret certain things. 

At the moment two of my very good friends are on holiday which means I can have at least a week to myself, and save some money at the same time.  I’d thought that I would post something and keep you all up to date. 

Tyler

I went out with this chick, who I will refer to as M, (from now on) and it started as a beautiful friendship, but as with most friendships with the opposite sex it got closer.  At the time the catch was, was that she had a boyfriend, so it was doomed to fail from the start.  For the last year it was ups and downs and a melting pot of fears and doubts.  Relationships shouldn’t be like that, you don’t want to be living on tension all the time. 

Fast forward……

We finally got things on an even kiln, we were friends and we were amiable to each other.  Until we were at the pub one night, for someones birthday and for some reason she decides that it would be a good idea to try and get with one of my best friends.  He blew her off completely.  He knew I was still hung up on her and he has told that he would never do anything with one of his mates ex’s.  I was grateful, but even more furious with her, fancy trying to do that after everything that has happened. 

Now, at the time they could have pulled, and it wouldn’t have been any of my business, but I would still care, and deep down, it would hurt.  I spoke to my best friend on numerous occasions about this little episode and he has assured me would never pull even if she tried it again.  And he’s also said that he never really liked her because of the way she treated me. 

But it still leaves me worried, as tonight these two people are going to meet for the first time in a long while.  Last night, my friend confronted me, and asked me why I was dreading tonight so much, I didn’t want to say, “because I’m worried your gonna end up pulling M, if she tries is on.”  Because, that makes me look as if I don’t trust him. 

I do trust him, its just that I worry so much about stuff, I worry to an unhealthy level. 

But he got it out of me in the end, he reassured me that he wouldn’t so now I all I can do is go along and hope for the best.  Tonight feels like the clashing of two worlds, it’ll either be a beautiful sight or a destructive supernova.

I’ve waited two weeks for tonight to pass, and it seems to have dragged out.  At the moment I have this clenched up feeling in my stomach, I have to pace myself drink wise also, so I can figure out how I’m going to get home, probably waste money on a cab service.  And I hope I don’t get in at 3 in the morning again, I hate that because you can see the sun rising at this point and I have to be up for Wimbledon Tennis tomorrow. 

Everyone who is reading…Wish me Luck

When we feel low…
is this our own doing…
a wise man once said that humans are one of few creatures who can “think” and therfore they can “feel”…
another wise man once said that the human race is a destructive one…
is this true on an individual scale as well as a global…
humans need each other to survive…
socially, physically and physiologically and biologically…or are we just the same as any other mammal on the planet…

do some people subconciously want to hit “Bottom”…
Is hitting bottom essential to seeking a sense of reaching full potential…
The ability to understanding what the extremes feel like…
The ability to see ones self at its lowest forms…
Reaching bottom, in order to rejuvenate…

But no, the silly bitch Nicki, who was set in charge comes up to me at 12:30 and says…

“Go on your lunch…”
“But I’m here until seven, can I have a tea break instead?”
“No, go on your lunch” (and with this she walks off)

There was no way I was going to stand for this, and so I decided to keep serving customers, I even had a customer pass me the till closing sign.  It was totally ridiculous and was well up for a confrontation, I reckon I would wiped the floor with my point.  It was unreasonable asking me to go for lunch at that time. 

I dragged out the customers for about half and hour and then she sent over this plump chav fellow to take over…

“..Why haven’t you gone on your lunch?”
“Has Nicki sent you?”
“…err..yeah”
“Go tell her its unreasonable putting me on lunch at half twelve”
(Looking a bit confused at this point) “…err wot?”
“Tell I’ll have my lunch at half one at the earliest…”

(He stumbles off)

I carried on with a smile, and a grin making sure I tell every customer how they tried it on.  They all sympathised. Then Nicki arrives handing me a piece of paper which was my observation.  An Observation is something where they look at you and see how you perform with customers.  Much to my amazement, it was all green! (Which is a good thing!)

This means two things, A. I’m good at my job (Any with a brain could do it, its not hard) and B. I most likely outsmarted my supervisor as much to her dismay she could not find anything wrong despite her personal grievances. 

I’m fairly happy with this small victory but I still could not wait to get home.  I feel pretty tired now, and I know I have to wake up tomorrow and go back, do it all again, all for the same reason. 

My justification for my job is for the money, not to buy crap but just to live and pay the bills. 

Do you know brand logo is?
A Representative of a brand.

What drives these brands?
Currency? The Consumers? The Times?

The western world is being split into two, consumer and corporation.  We are dependent on the lifestyle requirements that these corporations provide to us.  We as humans are no longer dependent on our own.

Do you what a policy is?
A policy is an Idea just an idea…

When serving customers, I see them being sucked into company names and slogans and their different views what the consumer “needs”.  According to the corporation consumers need crap. Temporary items of life which carry no value.  This is shit we don’t need. 

Do You know what a consumer is?
Its just a person.  

Let me not confuse you, I do it for the money and souly for the money, I hate it.  I hate it because I am totally and utterly wasted there, I don’t like to blow my own horn but I have so much more potential. 

Anyway the day started off pretty standardly, put on the checkouts straight away.  And it was disgusting, sticky melted sugar and other stains everywhere, I must have spent at least half an hour cleaning it.  I hate working on dirty tills, and its not very nice for the customer, fancy having to put your food on a massive sticky patch, Yuck!

Once I had done that, I was pulled off to help stack bog roll with the duty manager.  I hate the duty manager, he is one slippery weasel, a real shallow back stabber that would shit on you without a seconds notice.  He even looks like a weasel to a certain extent.  Anyway, I nodded, smiled and just unloaded it all.  A lady walked passed, she was attractive but as a decent guy I know not to stare to much or at least make myself look like a pervert, the duty manager came rushing up and said to me 

“Did you see that!”
“…See what?”
“That lady…what a MILF!”

I looked unimpressed and raised my eyebrow at him

“…I got a bit of testosterone running through me as you can imagine…”

I chuckled expectedly and thought to myself, what a perv, and remembered his so called title as “duty manager” being a complete farce

Someone else of importance, but just as much as nob came over, long streak of piss he was, in charge of shelves or some bollocks like that. 

I was ear wigging the conversation between the two and I felt as if I was back at school.  The duty manager began with a quote from the film Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels, “If the milk turns out to be sour I ain’t the type of pussy to drink it…” he thought he was “cool” but he really wasn’t, its cheesy, childish and I was thinking “I LIKE SAW THIS FILM WHEN I WAS 12!”  They moved on to talk about the weekend just gone, the long streak of piss was explaining how he was groping another member of staff called charlie on a dance floor of some nightclub, to which the duty manager was getting a massive boner to the story. 

“Unbelievable….”
” was busting out all over the place…you should of come, her boyfriend doesn’t mind I asked if he wanted a trade…”

At this point, I realised that the long streak of piss had a girlfriend who worked in STY.  I was just horrified, no wrong word, disgusted at the pair of them.  I wondered if they had heard of words like integrity or decency.  The pair were a disgrace to man and the reputation of man, and it made me question, what do these woman see in these wankers?  Why in the hell is a decent guy like me single?  It left me a bit frustrated as well, I also wondered if the girlfriend of the long streak of piss would approve?  Probably not, but who knows they’re all freaking crazy in that place except for a couple of people. 

Other than that, my day was pretty boring, was just on the tills all day serving people.  And I sorted out my Back To Work stuff for when I pulled a sicky, and I found out that I had also had an authorized absence of the same nature, which was news to me so now I have to chase that up. 

I’m rounding the day up, by having a beer and chilling out now. 

Tyler

I first went to HMV, as this is usually the easiest port of call for anything of this sort.  They didn’t have it in stock, so I ordered it from their website, after 7 weeks still no CD.  So I cancelled my order after finding out that I hadn’t been charged. 

Then I looked on Play.com and Amazon (as you do) and both declared that the album in question had been cancelled.  After scouring the world wide web I stumbled across Cd Universe which stated that the album could be dispatched within 1 to 2 days.  So I ordered it, I thought “what have you go to lose?” after a month and a couple of notifications telling the album was being dispatched it arrived on my door. 

I was and still am over the moon with my purchase.  And at the fact that the album is first hand and not second hand.  And so this is a thank you to you CD Universe for getting me that CD, and with out fuss. 

Tyler

This is a message to all current readers, I know I don’t have many as this is a very early blog but still I was up to a wopping 14 posts!
My brother accidentally deleted my posts barring one, so all thoughts and ideas are long gone.
It will all be up and running again after I’ve seen what else has been tampered with.

I also have plans for a fresh page featuring some of my artwork.

Take care all

Tyler